The Road to Atheism

Imagine this – I've spent a lifetime skirting around church, not really getting into it, even though I've been surrounded by Christian family, friends, and colleagues who are always talking God-speak. Then, out of nowhere, I decided to actually read my Bible one day. I mean, I had like six copies and a bunch of Christian author books that were forced on me over the years. This was all triggered by some serious health issues that got me thinking about life's big questions.

Now, my faith wasn't exactly rock solid. My well-meaning Christian family told me I needed to pray and "get right" with Jesus to secure my spot in Heaven. I took up the challenge, but realized I didn't even know what I truly believed. One thing was clear though—I was seriously ignorant about Christianity's history, beliefs, and especially Jesus himself.

That's when my journey of discovery began.

Fast forward, I survived my health scare. It's been a decade since then, and I've been delving into Christianity's history, teachings, the Old and New Testaments, and of course, Jesus of Nazareth—the guy who's probably influenced humanity more than anyone else.
This journey took me somewhere unexpected. Not back to my Christian roots, but closer to disbelief and deconversion.

Truth be told, the Bible is an intriguing read. Sure, I feel a twinge of nostalgia re-reading those wild and often gruesome stories that captured my imagination as a kid in Sunday school. But, as I went through the Pentateuch, my remaining faith crumbled. I was convinced that at least parts of the Old Testament were written by some messed-up people from way back—not by a "loving" god, certainly not someone I could respect.

As I dug deeper, both testaments seemed like a patchwork of disconnected writings. Full of conflicts, contradictions, and countless outrageous claims, the so-called "holy" Bible lost my trust. The biggest letdown? The Gospels. What I learned about Jesus, the Christ, the guy worshipped by over half the world, was far from what I'd been told. I felt deceived and, honestly, a bit angry. (I talk more about this in my ongoing series, WWJD, under the Essays section above.)

Truth is, I haven't read the whole Bible front to back. Skipped genealogies, breezed through worship space descriptions, and quit around the Book of Revelation, which reads like Tolkien on mushrooms!

Sadly, I'm in the closet about my disbelief for one reason: Fear. Not fear of God's wrath—that's just absurd. But fear of losing family and friends who've spent their lives fighting against anything secular, including folks like me. They see atheists as morally bankrupt and, according to Pew Research, less popular than even rapists. They'd rather see a Muslim President than an atheist any day!

Thing is, I'm not one to rock the boat. So, you can imagine the mental struggle and the sore tongue from biting it all these years. Here I am, sharing my thoughts and discoveries online as a way to vent and let off some steam. For now, it's therapeutic.

Just so you know, I'm keeping my identity a secret. Only a few close friends who feel the same way know about this site. Maybe one day, I'll leave a link in my Will so people can finally know who I am. Sad, I know.

So, here you are, stumbling upon my little corner of the internet. If it's not your thing, feel free to click away. If it resonates, go ahead and explore. Regardless, I challenge you to take this ride. Read your Bible, truly read it. I'm pretty sure this journey leads to one conclusion.

Best,
Bert R.