Jolted Beliefs: How Ben Franklin Shocked Superstition

In the annals of divine irony, the heavens certainly have a peculiar sense of humor. Allow me to whisk you away to the tale of two towering statues—one in the heartland of Ohio; the other overlooking the vibrant city of Rio de Janeiro. Both, in their own right, icons of faith and protection, yet entangled in the capricious dance of nature and absurd beliefs.

^{Lightning sparks a meltdown for "Touchdown Jesus" aka "Butter J"}

Butter Jesus's Fiery Touchdown
In Monroe, Ohio, there stood "Touchdown Jesus," a near seven-story-tall testament to divine protection—or so it seemed. Picture this colossal figure, arms outstretched upward toward the cosmos. Touchdown! But Heaven had other plans. 

One stormy evening in June 2010, lightning chose the outstretched arms of Jesus for an electric touchdown. A bolt struck, setting the statue ablaze, melting its styrofoam and plastic body like butter, earning it the nickname “Butter J” or “Butter Jesus”. Divine protection, it appeared, had been intercepted. The fire did an estimated $700,000 damage to the statue and the nearby amphitheater. Butter Jesus was eventually replaced with more fireproof materials at a cost of $750,000. Apparently these Christians forgot the Second Commandment which forbids erection of such graven images. As well, Jesus may have preferred that they use the quarter million dollars to do something he would do. You, know, like feed, clothe and house the poor?

The irony of the situation couldn't be clearer—an emblem of faith reduced to a burnt offering, victim to the very forces it was supposed to shield against. It was a celestial jest, leaving believers and bystanders alike pondering the mysteries of the heavens.

^{Rio's Christ the Redeemer gets zapped for the zilliionth time}

Christ the Redeemer's Frequent 'High-Fives'
Rewind to Rio de Janiero, Brazil. God’s wry sense of humor isn't confined to the American Midwest. Across the world, atop the Corcovado mountain, stands another sentinel of faith—Christ the Redeemer. This monumental statue, gazing over the city with arms wide open, is the epitome of divine guardianship. But due to the displeasure of God or the malicious intent of demons, on average, lightning strikes the over ten-story-tall Redeemer three to five times a year, causing damage. This has prompted the er…faithful to finally install lightning rods to avert further damage.

Franklin: The Enlightened Disruptor
That brings us to Benjamin Franklin, the ultimate disruptor of electric beliefs, the embodiment of enlightenment. A true free-thinker and humanist, Franklin challenged the age-old superstitions that had gripped society for millennia. At a time when churches and cathedrals were vulnerable to the wrath of lightning, with believers attributing thunderstorms to supernatural forces, Franklin stood tall with his invention—the ubiquitous lightning rod.

Unveiling the Iron Beacon of Reason
This simple "rod of iron," despised by the faithful for its association with a perceived "arch-heretic," proved to be a beacon of reason. Well, for some. Franklin's invention, introduced in 1752, demonstrated that lightning could be grounded harmlessly, providing an alternative to the traditional yet absurd practices like ringing church bells and muttering prayers to ward off celestial pranksters.

Triumph of Enlightenment Over Superstition
Amidst all the silly beliefs of biblical proportions that once stood as undisputed fact that have, over time, been eroded by science and enlightenment, the legacy of Ben Franklin and his lightning rod serves as a beacon of hope for a burgeoning community of heretics, of which I am one. It has been a long, difficult struggle, but let us “keep the faith” that reason and evidence will one day triumph over superstition and myth!

Update
June 2, 2023 - Spencer, Massachusetts 
Apparently ignoring Ben Franklin’s advice, the First Congregational Church of Spencer was destroyed by a fire resulting from a lightning strike. The region's more pious prigs claimed the event to be divine retribution for the church’s acceptance of the LGBTQ community. So much for the triumph of science and reason over stupidity!